Most of us are so used to the question, “How are you doing?” that we hardly ever think before answering. We live in a culture where a lot of attention is placed on what we do and how busy we are. It seems like the busier we are at doing, the more important we appear to others. And yet, we’re exhausting ourselves and building barriers that keep us from knowing that God’s acceptance is enough. But we don’t know how to “be” so we “do”.
Making the decision a number of months ago to resign my position at church was not just to make more time for writing, although that was a big part of it. I was also on the verge of a breakdown from carrying personal burdens for too long and being entirely too busy. I was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. Sleep and days off weren’t enough to revive the soul-deep weariness. I needed to experience Psalm 23. It was time to clear everything off my plate so the cracks in it could be repaired.
I didn’t realize how difficult slowing down would be. I didn’t know how to rest anything more than my physical body. But I desperately needed rest deep inside my being. The problem has always been that I work to feel worthy. I’ve never been the kind of person who does the minimum that’s expected. I work hard at whatever I do which isn’t a bad thing in and of itself. But going over and above is my way of seeking the approval of others. Without that approval, it’s easy for me to feel like a failure in every part of my life. It’s a lie I’ve lived with for a very long time.
I anticipated that resting for a month would be all I needed before diving into a new, productive routine. But, as He often does, the Lord had other plans for me–the weariness inside was deeper than a little time could fix. He began tugging at the outside layers of affirmation-seeking in my life so He could start to rewire my thoughts and feelings. He has brought me into this season of quietness and contemplation for a purpose, and it doesn’t look anything like I expected. It’s not been an easy process learning to be still, learning to quiet the noise inside, and learning that He is enough for me. I’m very far from being able to say my thinking has changed. But I’m trying to be obedient to the lesson.
For those of us who struggle to see our worthiness in who we are before the Lord and not from what we do, we might benefit from a different question than “How are you doing?” What if we began asking, “How are you being?” Maybe it would be easier for us to stop doing so much if we had others in our lives to remind us that the Lord gives us value because we are His, and we don’t have to work to earn it.
If you need someone to ask you that question from time to time, to pray for you from a place of understanding the soul’s cry to be accepted, please reach out to me. Send me an email at amy@thepioneerpath.com.